Wash the Winter Right Out of My Hair

Saturday, 15 March 2013 - Boulder, Colorado, USA

It's been less than three weeks since we disembarked Silver Whisper in Hong Kong. After living on the ship for 50 days and sailing 18,000 miles from Los Angeles we were ready to come back to the real world. Well, as much as Boulder, Colorado can be said to be real. We had a fantastic time visiting a bunch of places I've been to long ago and wanted to share with Barbara, enjoyed summer in the mid-winter, and even got to fly back on United's "Global First", my first and likely only time in the very expensive--it was on miles--and supposedly most luxurious product United has to offer. The flights went well. We just received $200 for my e-mail to United about what they could do with their most luxurious product.

Unlike on the flight, we had fantastic meals on the ship: best ever on sea and mostly up to the finest restaurants I've experienced on land. We met and dined with some very interesting people. Unlike the best United Airline had to offer, we are very glad we tried the outrageous 50 day piece of the Silversea Cruises' 2013 World Cruise.

I promised to wrap up my series of reports on the Los Angeles to Hong Kong voyage with some observations. Here we go:

1. Fifty days is too long.

This was especially the case for this cruise where the three individual segments were essentially similar. Last winter's previous longest cruise of 39 days was composed of the same number of very different segments: a wildlife hot weather African experience in South Africa and Mozambique, a "crossing" from Cape Town to the Canary Islands with a bunch of sea days and a few very exotic West African port stops, and then a short but port intensive Mediterranean cruise segment. The weather varied from very hot and humid in the Indian Ocean on the east coast of South Africa, nice on the Atlantic Equator crossing, and cool and spring like in the Med.

While I must say that the routine on the just completed South Pacific cruise was wonderful, it began to feel endless without the stimulation of many new places and some major variation of the stops (and the weather). Also 120 guests, a bit less than half on each of the three segments on Silver Whisper were on the four month "World Cruise", traveling from Fort Lauderdale or Los Angeles westbound around the world crisscrossing the Equator then back to Fort Lauderdale. After a while I got tired of looking at them. I have comments regarding luxury cruise guests, especially "World Cruisers" below. More personal than anything, I kind of felt useless towards the end of the trip and began to lose sleep as my brain started to obsess on things that I wanted (and even a few that I needed) to do upon returning home. Most of these tasks were completed swiftly during the first 10 jet lagged days here, of course, but towards the end of the trip I began to feel that I might offer to help the deck hands scrape paint or, horrors, volunteer to give some enrichment lectures. Fortunately, we kept busy enjoying ourselves before that happened.

Note that long stretches of days at sea are not necessarily a problem. Between voluntary shipboard activities , this was really a vacation and quite enjoyable. I mostly read and LOOKED at the fantastic ocean. See my video of what it looks like while traveling at 18 knots in the South Pacific at http://youtu.be/rrz_GwTYAf8. Looking forward to the fantastic lunches and dinners helped. More on that below.

2. The cruise experience depends a great deal on the cruise line's contribution to each department.

Most notably, the cost of the food's ingredients and preparation (read experience and training of the chefs) makes a big difference. It is easy to be comfortable and rationalize even the best cruise food to be less than that on shore—at least compared to that at the best restaurants on shore—due to few useable re-provisioning ports, difficulty of getting good local ingredients, or the feeding of hundreds of guests in a short time. But that is rationalizing. All of these things were improved on this cruise to the highest level we've ever experienced at sea or ON LAND by increased budgets for ingredients and preparation. It can be done.

Service is similarly affected by the money allocated for the "front of the house". On Silversea (and the other luxury brands), unfortunately there is a bit further to go.

3. Fantastic "6 star" service not what it's cracked up to be.

Every food and bar waiter knows your name by sight on the first day on board. The waiters know your dietary needs and for the first time actually understand what lactose intolerance means. But crew members continually fight the inherent conflict between their education and their training. While the Maître d' and most of the head waiters know and comply with each guest's requirements, most servers, runners, and bar attendants are trained and continually measured on robotically consistent routines, even for the most trivial activities. It is impossible for many of the servers to provide elegant tea service without bringing milk with the specially baked dairy free cookies and ironically announcing each item as it is set down on the table. "Here are your dairy-free cookies. Would you like milk in your tea?" Our chairs got held each time we were directed to a table, even though we announced that we would not sit down want to go directly the buffet. (One attendant said somewhat non-plussed, "It's my job to seat you, sir.") And each evening the a bar attendant offers cheese laden hors d'oeuvres while addressing me by name despite being reminded daily that eating these goodies will cause health problems. He said, "I know, dairy-free diet." The bar tender supervisor is watching for consistent service, you know, and expects to see snacks offered to each table.

Education should trump training when it comes to "luxurious service". So it's more of a disaster when the education is inadequate. A few years ago, the middle supervisors (i.e. head waiters, bar tenders, and even waiters) got to confusing lactose intolerance (inability to digest dairy) with gluten intolerance (dire consequences after eating wheat and other grains). This brought to light that rote training doesn't work when educational efforts are inadequate or the crew members are not able to be educated.

Regarding the last point, it is a fact in the luxury cruise industry in particular and most likely the high end hospitality industry in general that labor costs dictate some employment policies. You do get what you pay for. Most current crew members on ships come from varying cultures, often quite different from those of the guests they serve. (It is very difficult for Americans in particular to understand that people from some parts of the world consider saying "No" to be very rude, even when the answer to a question really is NO.) Among service staff, there are occasional instances of lack of professional experience (but oddly enough not inadequate CV's) and minimum exposure to reading Westerners' body language. Ironically, constant training sessions coupled with hawk like supervision of crew members (who are on board for 8 month or longer contracts, working 12 hour plus days for 7 days a week because of dire financial situations at home) by the next layer in the hierarchy often results in somewhat intrusive rather than "elegant" service. Most crew members are from Asian cultures where "loosing face" due to negative supervisor comments or personnel issues can be more devastating than actually reprimand or even termination. A number of years ago, the threat of a surprise visit of a headquarters "inspector" resulted in a number of Filipino lower level crew members breaking their contracts rather than risk being found to be inadequate in their jobs. (Instead and probably partially because of this, the inspector was later fired himself.)

Silversea assigns a butler to a number of suites to service the guests. Yes, a guy (or woman) dressed in tails who responds usually instantly to a page from each guest room's dedicated button. These individuals are graduates of "butler school" (!), have worked in similar jobs on-shore—always in a "6 star hotel in Dubai" it seems—and really want to please. Unfortunately, the guests are essentially clueless as to why they need a butler on call for their cruise. Unpack my bags upon embarkation, I don't think so. Guests tell each other over cocktails that their butler is "fantastic, the best we've ever had" mostly because of the butler's constant offers of unneeded services or usually for having a glued on very winning smile, or alternately the guests share war stories of shoes polished daily to a high sludge, french fries brought instead of potato chips (due to an unresolved conflict in American and British English), or unrequested and inappropriate snacks or drinks brought on a random basis and left in the room. Our butler on Four Deck phoned us repeatedly at 6:15pm when we were showering before dinner to ask if he could deliver the laundry or check the mini-bar and said he didn't want to disturb us since our "Privacy Please" sign was up. (I explained that we wanted privacy. That's what we thought the sign was for.) Often the butler offered service when he really could not actually do what they he suggested. I said they do want to please a great deal. An example of this was an offer to tighten a loose eyeglass screw "with pleasure". The butler attempted this not with a presumed (by us and probably by him) stash of jewelers tools but with a pen-knife blade. The screw looked tightened when the glasses were returned with a Silversea Cruises lens cloth included, no less, and of course a big smile. But in fact the screw was not tightened at all. He was so proud. We were back to square one.

One butler was constantly seen walking aimlessly through the public areas out of sight of his assigned guests so that he could respond instantly to a guest page and not be distracted by his guests' oral requests as he was being rated apparently by how quickly he responded to pages. [We later found out that technology issues with the portable page units each butler carried lost all but the last of rapidly received pages.] At the end of the cruise, our butler took on a somewhat grumpy demeanor when he discovered that we had retrieved our bags from under our bed before he could complete this ritual himself. We were out of sequence for him, and his job security was based on his completing all required tasks. No kidding. He was also the butler who never did anything for us without bringing it up a number of times later on, apparently living on thank you's. Maybe he really was only insecure.

As alluded to above, I seem to think that even the super luxurious hotels might have similar problems with the lower level staff, but the truly great hotels deal with it better. There is a difference between memorizing all guests' names within 24 hours of their boarding the ship and 1) understanding, 2) being able to comply with, and 3) remembering individual guest's requests throughout the cruise. Hotels might pay high wages (or rely on hefty tips) for staff who deal directly with guests and can hire from a more local and perhaps more intelligent local pool of workers. Cruise ships are a bit different. The department heads universally told me that they "have to work with what's sent us." But of course, these are the same bosses who will occasionally disapprove special requests and send detailed letters to the affected guest explaining the difficulty of complying. Often the effort to send the letter is a lot more than actually getting the requested Pringles or preferred brand of Scotch. (Note that some World Cruisers were paying a major fraction of a million bucks for their 120 day plus vacation.) Bureaucracies exist on even a small cruise line. The Hotel Director apparently needs to personally approve everything out of the ordinary personally. Headquarters management needs to understand that delighting the customers is worth the small increased effort and costs. The constant conflict between budgetary requirements for each department and the quality of service performed is never quite right, and there are few mechanisms to improve things without years elapsing. The primary and more or less universal feedback to the ship's staff is from the end of cruise questionnaire. But as careers (or at least invitations for future contracts) are made or lost from this form of guests' comments, crew members and even higher level managers on board solicited "10's" from guests towards the end of the cruise. As a result, headquarters management remains in the dark. How could a guest deny the every so solicitous butler his contract renewal, even though the kid still doesn't know the difference between Scotch and Gin.

Barbara and I made peace with the (very minor but amplified by 50 days) frustrations of shipboard service as reported above by taking the attitude that most crew members were actually robots. So there it is. It worked. Sometimes we just debated the effects of a few remaining bugs in their programs.

4. Cruises are not really social experiences.

Most of us have done independent vacations, sometimes to far off and exotic places. The success of such travels is based significantly on ones own travel smarts. You might make a detailed plan and obsessively follow it and mostly avoid why John Steinbeck said, "You don't take a trip; a trip takes you." But if you do it this way you may avoid some wonderful chance experiences as well as some bad ones. Or you may prefer organized group travel with a fixed itinerary and a guide. "Place your luggage in the hall before 9pm and meet in the lobby tomorrow morning at 7am for our orientation tour of Brussels. Again, place your luggage….." The majority of independent American tourists are lucky to have some pleasant chats with other American tourists in a Rick Steve's recommended "out of the way" restaurant on the former type of trips, usually meeting other Americans to have detailed discussions about other Rick Steve recommendations, I'm afraid. Group travel is the opposite where you come to wanting to murder the over protective ex-2^nd grade teacher guide after torturing and then murdering many of the other participants for getting on your nerves, obviously on purpose. Barbara and I have found that doing a bunch of research for each stop but then taking diversions from our plans when opportunities appear works very well. It takes time and effort to prepare for each cruise's stops, but the right attitude to be open for changes and chance occurrences is (almost) everything. I reported a few such chance treats involving adventures with locals in Rangaroa and Freemantle.

Luxury cruises promise a few variations from independent or group travel as above. The other guests are accomplished: worldly travelers who have a wide range of interests and at very least are great cocktail and dinner companions. What one finds, of course, is that like everything else—including my grossly unfair and simplistic characterizations in the previous paragraph—social interactions say more about you than those you are sharing space with, even 33,000 ton 600 foot long space. We came to understand that most of the other guests on Silversea Cruises are as clueless as anyone else as to how to interact with strangers on more than the most trivial level. You can go only so far with asking where the other couple is from, have they been on Silversea before, and the ever popular, "Where is your favorite cruise destination?" Occasionally, you indeed find people with whom you share interests and even more rarely you find another guest or two who despite very different background and careers make for delightful companions du bateaux. These people can become longtime friends, even after the cruise is over.

More often, Silversea guests, at least those with "many days" total on Silversea's ships, have developed their own style when on board (maybe as they are when at home, for all I know). Some of these old timers on the cruise line are completely "un"-social, maybe smiling and actually saying hello, but then they immediately give a reason to terminate the nascent conversation, stating a need to go to a lecture, wake up the spouse, or they smile and just walk away. Other long time cruisers have developed an existential activity that consumes their thoughts if not most of their time onboard the ship. There are the bridge players who spend four to six hours each day at sea (and a lessor but significant time when the ship is in port) playing bridge with the ship supplied bridge experts. There is a significant number, maybe more than half of Silversea guests, who are obsessed with the daily very competitive late afternoon half hour "Team Trivia" contest and often don't associate much with other guests who are not on their team. (One team had special hats made.) And there are a number of singles or couples who compulsively join others at dinner every night, often asking for six or eight place tables, to recite the same details of their "persona du bateaux" to the entire table. That is, they tell the same friggin' story of their lives to a different group each evening. One gentleman we dined with (once!) immediately announced he was a "former state legislator and longtime farmer" although both careers ended long ago. Then he proceeding all through the dinner to relate very stale stories of starboard stabilizer (get it?) legislation he had supported in his very red state. Years ago I met a lone traveler who would ask to join large tables nightly and after the inevitable introductions proceed to tell each companion what was wrong with their home country or place of birth. He ate alone quite a bit towards the end of the cruise.

On the other hand, a number of the guests consider the cruise experience as a unique social opportunity. Usually a couple, they come onboard with either the agenda of dining with as many other couples as possible: perhaps hitting all the other guests if the cruise is long enough. They have an appointment book at the ready at all times. "Let's pencil in Thursday next for the Italian restaurant". Others give themselves significant meaning by organizing group activities. These folks are always arranging private dinners, renting vans in a future port for excursions to "special places" not on the ship's organized tours. They even significantly disrupt shipboard operations by getting the Hotel Director to authorize the various crew department heads to allow for unusual off time so that they attend a party for crew members of these guests' choosing. Such special activities become the main conversation topic of these folks. For reasons we can only guess at, often these people tend to also request "private" lunches with the Captain or Hotel Director, somehow believing that these officers are personal friends and not that schmoozing with guests is part of their jobs.

The best approach Barbara and I have found is to act as at home and strike up a conversation with those nearby on tours or at meals if and when it seems appropriate, and occasionally to start a four-top table, asking the Maitre d' to seat another couple or a single with us. This gamble usually results in an interesting and sometimes decent dinner and often makes for our meeting some people who we end up finding enjoyable companions for other activates later on the cruise if not just for more dinners. We dine alone on some nights and have found that inviting visiting entertainers, guest lecturers (!), and "working" crew members for dinner (such as the shop manager or the shore concierge) make for the most enjoyable evenings. These people usually have interesting backgrounds, enjoying being on the ship, and most likely have interesting stories to tell, sometimes regarding the other guests, at last on previous cruises. I have a dear friend who is a Cruise Director, now on another cruise line. How glorious is that.

But all things considered, the best approach we've found is to think of the other guests on the Silversea's small ships as holograms, and some of them do eventually emerge as actual people. So do some of the robot crew members mentioned earlier.

5. The other guests are not actually at their best.

Captains of Industry, former high level corporate managers, very rich people with multiple houses and/or employees, long retired people whose lives revolves around their private (usually golf) clubs, etc., unlike at home have little control of their daily lives on the ship. Everything is taken care of for them—but not in the way they have it at home—and it's on a ship with free unlimited alcohol. They are kind of demanding onboard and often not fun company in the bar after dinner. Need I say more?

6. Exotic far away cities are often remarkably close in a sense and not particularly exotic.

Long cruise itineraries usually include mostly one day 8am to 6pm stops in various cities. Years ago I found the idea of visiting Manila or Wellington very exciting, and I looked forward to seeing these places with a great sense of anticipation if not adventure. Now I know that with the exceptions of some wonderful, "I can live there, at least for a while", or at least always fun to visit again places like Hong Kong, Sydney, London, Paris, Edinburgh—it's a long list—most big cities are just that. Manila has the third largest shopping center in the world but just a handful of tourist attractions. Wellington is yet another small city with a nice cable car to a botanic garden. Beijing and Shanghai are worth ONE visit (one day is not long enough if you can breathe or see more than 5 meters when you get there), and Rio and Cape Town are fantastically beautiful if you remember to never leave the ship with a watch or camera visible. I think that all big cities are worth an introductory visit (for city folks like Barbara and me) if you've, 1) done sufficient research into what you actually want to see, and 2) especially you have a quest. Besides world class museums, theater, or other attractions, there is no more fun than looking to buy toothpaste in Lisbon (actually a city in the return visit category), or getting your glasses tightened or watch battery replaced in Auckland or Hobart. But how many times can you climb the volcano in the former, or visit the preserved "very English" (and very touristy) village of Richmond near the latter? This is despite my having had a pretty good Tasmanian pastrami sandwich a few years ago. But the sandwich shop in Richmond was no Carnegie Deli. Go back to nice places like Adelaide or Manchester, say, but realize that knowing how to use their public transport systems and doing your research is essential. You wouldn't go to your local "big city" without an idea as to why. Well, unless it's New York or London I suppose. Certainly not Denver.

Lastly on the topic of far away cities, alas most formerly exotic and interesting sights—think Geylang in Sinapore or Northbridge in Perth—have either been rebuilt for tourists to just "look like" the original places as in the former or have become essentially morphed into identical fast food and overpriced tourist restaurant areas as in the latter. Do your research and visit the fantastic New Zealand National Museum in Wellington or take a Swan River wine tasting boat in Perth, but don't expect just being in these cities to be exotic. You can drink the tap water anywhere in Singapore, and it's a great place to get over jet lag after flying from North America (or anywhere else since everywhere else is very far from Singapore), but Singapore is mostly an island of large apartment buildings and a few interesting one visit sights. It's really just a nice place to be if you've forgotten to pack your computer mouse once you've already visited the Night Zoo.

7. There is not a "best" itinerary.

I've found that the approach to choosing our next cruise each time is to vary longer and not so long journeys, take port intensive with few days at sea cruises after long "crossings", and pick itineraries with long ago but wanted to see again livable cities as in the last trip after exotic east coast of Africa trips as we did last year. Longer cruises are best interspersed with shorter ones, and even varying the time between cruises makes a difference. Long cruises might vary between a consistent warm weather, south sea islands and countries as during the last one, with a few back to back very different itineraries on another. The next cruise should each time should be yet another type of experience. I have to admit it is awfully nice to go to the Southern Hemisphere in January or February and try to always choose a westbound itinerary so that there are a number of 25 hour days rather than short nights as time zones are crossed. But 120 day plus World Cruises each year just to get away? Blah.

The actual next cruise: European cities and spectacular scenery.

Last June, Barbara and I were sitting on our deck in Boulder. The typical Boulder 90 degree very low humidity with very clear skies that month was replaced with 105 degrees and smoke filled air. Then flames were visible cresting the two mile away hills. It was most unpleasant.

What were we to do? Of course, the solution to most problems is to take another cruise. We immediately booked a trip to the Norwegian Fjords. This one will be coupled with a riverboat like itinerary of wonderful "visit again" cities in north coastal Europe. We will visit Amsterdam, Antwerp, Bruges, probably Berlin by high speed train from Hamburg, then have dinner with a friend at Tivoli in Copenhagen before sailing north to Bergen (looking forward to wandering around very rainy Bergen again after 20 or so years very rainy visit), then in and out of fjords to go around North Cape in Norway to Murmansk and Archangel in Russia and then back to Copenhagen via in and out of more fjords. We hope to take an awful lot of pretty pictures.

A graphic of the upcoming cruise's itinerary is above.

Check my upcoming blog on that trip in a couple of months at http://cbu-neurope1306.blogspot.com. (Not now, I haven't administered it yet.)